This is my Bible. I am what it says I am…

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Many of us have heard Joel Smiley’s opening. It goes a little something like this:

This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert, my heart is receptive; I’ll never be the same. In Jesus name, God bless you.

Yeah. Way too superficial don’t you think?  Let’s try cleaning it up a bit. First, one for the unsaved in the crowd:

This is a Bible. I am what it says I am, a filthy, wretched, God-hating sinner. I have what it says I have, a corrupt heart capable only of despising the Lord who made me and sustains me. I can do what it says I can do; works that even the best God sees as a used menstrual pad. Today I will be taught the word of God, but my hard heart will have none of the truth unless the grace of God should intervene. I boldly confess my mind is corrupt, my heart is depraved; I’ll never repent! In Jesus’ name, God bless you.

Now, the one for those few who watch Joel Smiley who are actually saved:

This is my Bible. I am what it says I am: a wretched sinner saved by the grace of God alone. I have what it says I have, a new nature, a new disposition, and eternal life. I can do what it says I can do: kill sin by the Spirit, grow in holiness, and do truly good works. Today I will be taught the Word of God. I boldly confess my mind is being renewed by the Word working of the Spirit, my heart is leaping for joy in the presence of the Word; I’ll never be forsaken as Jesus paid the price for my sins. In Jesus’ name, God bless you.

Well… there you have it! Seems much more clear and suited to the various needs of the congregation.

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2 Responses to “This is my Bible. I am what it says I am…”

  1. Kenneth Prevatte Says:

    I like that last one. It’s close to the one I once came up with, but better.

  2. Ben Mordecai Says:

    EXACTLY

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